Cocksessions With TheColdShower Mafia
by Scarlett Valencia
Summary: A guide to enjoying TheColdShower Mafia along with the complications of having a "buddy." Step into the world of Bella Swan and her crazy world of a 25 yo.
1. Chapter 1

** The Twilight characters are not of my thought or creations. They are the creative thoughts and dreams of Stephanie Meyer. ****No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without expressive writing guaranteed by the writer, ©2011 Scarlett Valencia (E.).**

**All rights reserved worldwide.**

**Many thanks to my incredible friend/Beta: This Guilty Blood. Not only does she know how to handle sentences but also a whip when things don't go to plan. Ciao and enjoy xo**

* * *

><p><em>The printing for the ads needs to be done, ASAP. On that note, call George.<em>

_Must get the marketing and advertising team, to make something up with a creative jiggle for the company that just hired us. Something to do with, 'munch' or 'crunch'. _

_Need to call Edward._

"Oh baby."

_Respond._

"Mmph I like that... Oh...Your _big_ cock..."

_Faker. _

_Also, have to call Edward about the journals that Sophia was meant to pick up; they were meant to be at the office yesterday. I'll bet she hasn't done them again. _

_Will need to seek someone else to do the run. _

"Oh Baby... You feel so good."

_Respond._

"Mmmmm, you too."

_Ohmygod, is that a cobweb in the corner over my bed? Damn, I seriously need to hire someone to clean my apartment. I wonder if Alice knows anyone?_

_Also, confirm appointment with, Business League, and see how they want their PR work to be handled. That's if they have any ideas on what they want. _Idiots.

_Also, need to confirm lunch date with Alice. _

"Oh Bella... You feel so fucking good, nice and tight. Like a balloon."

_Don't think about him mentioning that your coot feels like a balloon..._

"Tyler... Oh god. _Fuck me harder, you nasty man whore!_"

_Man whore? That's an original one for you, Bella. _

"Tyler... Oh god, I think I'm nearly there. _Fuck me harder!_"

" Fucking Jesus... Bella." Tyler gritted through his teeth before pumping even harder.

"Fuck baby."

_And... Five; Four; Three; Two... One._

_Let out a moan and clench vagina muscles with repetition, breaking for five seconds between each tightening._

"Captain Tyler is ready for takeoff."

_Pull fake orgasm face, clench muscles and… shudder._

I clenched my muscles and lifted my back off the bed as if I was trying to do some type of yoga position and let out a massive scream. If I had been an actress, I'd have been nominated for an Oscar, for most realistic effect.

Panting heavily as if I had just run in a marathon, I looked up into the face of my fuck buddy of eight months and proceeded to watch Tyler pull a face before groaning loudly in my ear. With the combination of ear ringing, fake orgasmic, vagina exercises and not wanting to hear Tyler fart, I was ready to get out and get in the shower.

However, the plans changed when a heavy body slumped on top of mine. It felt like I was being smothered by a breathing wall of bricks.

I tapped Tyler on the back, to remind him that someone was in fact still under him and that I couldn't breathe; he murmured an apology before pulling out roughly.

_That's going to hurt in the morning while you're pissing razor blades,_ I thought wincing as he slumped next to me on the bed. He covered his eyes with a forearm, then let out a moan that sounded like it had travelled up from his toes.

I rolled quickly onto my side, hoping it would send a sign that there was to be none of the cuddly bullshit that he had been trying to do for the past few weeks. Once I was settled comfortably, I close my eyes and feign slowly fall asleep, thinking about how nice it would feel having an orgasm that wasn't battery operated; or manual.

The real bullet to the head was that everyone I knew had partners who not only could make their toes curl, but their legs feel like jelly three days later. Unintentionally, they seemed to remind me that my sex life, (or lack of) sucked like lemons between the sheets while they got to be ridden to kingdom come and back.

Then to seal the cut with super glue, they glowed for days or weeks after. _Assholes._

Sadly, in my household, my lemons were somewhat less… satisfying. They all followed a mundane routine…Tyler moans and groans about wanting to get his rocks off, I finally give in. and fucks me…blandly. I fake orgasm while he gets off on a real one. Oh, and all this usually takes a grand total of five minutes, from the time I enter the bedroom, to rolling over onto my side.

_Talk about going for gold!_

Hearing the snap of the condom as it's tied and tissues being pulled out from the box, I keep my eyes closed when the light is snapped on and Tyler presses his sticky, cum wet, lower body against mine.

"Baby, you still awake?" He whispers heavily into my ear.

"_Go Away! No one is here… So FUCK OFF!"_ Would have been what the sign would have said, if there had been one attached to the back of my head.

"Baby?" he tried again, only this time in that whiney voice men get when they suspect you really aren't asleep.

"Tyler," I moan, rolling over and peering at him through my eyelashes. "I have had a busy day at work and now all I want to do is get some sleep."

Lame excuse, I know but it's not like I could come out and openly say: "_I have to fuck myself with a vibrator since you came too quickly, that and the fact your tiny cock can't, won't and doesn't do the job properly._

"Well I've had a busy day too, you know," he whines, making me cringe at the sound. "Working behind a bar all day long can get pretty boring, if you ever bothered to ask me. _Which you don't. _Because you are either working away on your laptop after we _make love_, taking phone calls from God knows who. And your sister is constantly forcing you to go out with her to clubs to pick up men."

He paused to take a breath and I suspect, to wipe away tears. "You never seem to ask how _my_ day is because we are always talking about how your day was." More silence followed, broken by a sniff and more skin encountering wet skin. "What happened to it just being _us_?"

The inner voice in my mind started screaming: _There never was an _'us'_. Just you and I, having a quick fuck. And what I mean by a quick fuck, is you out of me and my house in under ten minutes._

Sighing heavily, I pulled the cover up to my chest and sat up in bed. Leaning against the headboard and staring down at my feet, I watched my toes wriggle underneath the white sheet before turning to look at Tyler.

"You knew what the conditions were going to be like when we first agreed to this. You knew that there wasn't going to be a relationship of any kind or anything permanent. It was merely you and I agreeing to be fuck buddies, while we casually saw other people. As such, we were both booty calls to one another."

With Tyler talking about there being an '_us'_, a future and his clear jealousy over me seeing other people; our casual fuck buddy time had come to an end. That not only frustrated me because I was going to become 'the wicked witch with a capital _B_', but also it fucked me off. We had both discussed what 'casual fuck buddies' meant, and that nothing was going to come out of this.

At the end of the day it would only be, he and I parting ways.. No broken feelings, and therefore, no broken hearts. But in this case, someone was going to walk away with a broken heart and it wasn't going to be me.

"I know we had conditions to begin with, but I don't want to be fuck buddies anymore. I am over that and I want something more permanent in my life. I want to freely call you my _girlfriend_ without you cutting my balls off."

Just hearing that had sealed the final deal for me. Shoving back the sheet and getting out of bed, I walked over to my dressing gown and threw it on; so when it came time, I wouldn't be standing there naked.

"Tyler, I am too young to be in a serious relationship," I told him, yanking the sash around my waist and tying it in a bow. "I know where serious relationships end up and I am not interested in that right now."

Tyler stared at me as if I had just confessed that I was into girl on girl action and I'd decided on becoming a lesbian in the last two seconds. "But, you're _only_ 25. That's not young by some people's standard."

"And sometimes, you act like you're going on sixteen rather than twenty two," I snarled. Letting out a sigh and briefly closing my eyes, he shrugged what I had just said off when I looked at him.

"Look, Ty," I felt horrible for what I was about to say, but I had to say it. "What you are looking for and wanting, you won't...aren't going to find it here. And for that, I am truly sorry."

_At least you let the poor critter down somewhat gently. _The voice told me, it reminded me faintly of what my grandmother would have said at a moment like this.

Tyler's face crumbled and a look of pain and insecurity flashed across his face, I sat down on the edge of the bed and took his hand in mine.

Looking him in the eye and squeezing his hand, I apologised before telling him that I just wasn't ready for something serious. It wasn't long before he swung his legs out of bed and padded across the floor, closing the door of the ensuite behind him, I waited for the water to go on before I picked up my phone and quickly emailed my sister.

**To: DrGreenEyes  
>From: Bella Swan,<br>Private Email Account  
>CEO Red Swans PR Incorp.<br>Date: Tuesday, 15th Novemeber 2011  
>Subject: Ducks in the Hen House<strong>

**Just wanted to tell you, Duck is out of hen house and moving back into Duck house. Don't call, am going to bed.**

B.

After putting my phone back down on the table, I got up from the bed and stripped off the sheets so I wouldn't have any reminders to look at. Quickly I shoved them into the washing machine added powder and closed the door behind me.

When I was done, I looked distantly into the kitchen and let out a gut heaving sigh, before roughly dragging myself away from the laundry door as Tyler walked in.

My eyes automatically went roaming over the broadness of his shoulders before moving down to his muscly chest and downwards. And just like that, my excitement over his chest and shoulders fizzled to nothing.

He came to a stop next to me and took a sip from my coffee when I held it out to him. Tyler stared out of the balcony door before letting out a sigh.

I took a sip from the place where he had just taken his; the bitterness of the coffee replaced the taste of disgust. I was feeling like the biggest bitch on earth, as if I should have been shot at birth. I patted Tyler on the shoulder as he continued to stare out the door.

"Tyler?" I asked, as he turned to look at me.

I didn't feel comfortable asking him if everything was okay, because I could see the pools of hurt, bitterness and betrayal swirling around in his eyes. Plus I had the _Gibbs_ gut happening, and it was telling me that if I thought about touching him, he would go off the deep end.

Slowly he began to move away, finally turning and heading towards the door. Following him out of the kitchen and down the hallway, I watch as he picked up his leather jacket and car keys before pocketing them. Visibly shaking, he gave my shoulder a squeeze before leaning down and kissing my cheek.

I smiled apologetically at him, as he ran a hand over the spot he had just kissed.

"See you around sometime." was all he said before the closing the door behind him.

After three days of mentally torturing myself by replaying the look on Tyler's face as I told him it wasn't going to work, I finally packed it in and called my sister. I had finally accepted the fact that not only had I gotten rid of Tyler, but I was now going to have to find another fuck buddy.

And that meant, having to put up with my sister trying to hook me up with moron's, who acted like breaking a nail was the end of the world.

Seriously I would take small cocks over Mamma's boys any day.

I call the business and was told by a snarky bitch that my sister wasn't there and that she "_claimed_" to be sick.

I made a mental note to mention it to her when we met up for our next lunch date, because that bitch was not only bad for business but she was bad for Karma.

After hanging up, I hit 4 on speed dial, and waited for the lunatic to pick up or to see what this month's answering machine recording was.

_"Hello, this is Alice and Jasper's answering machine. They're not here, but I'm open to suggestions..." _the answering machine purred.

The sound of the phone being ripped off the jack made me jerk the handset away from my ear, and hiss in pain. After a few seconds though, I heard Alice answer, breathlessly.

"Hey, it's me," I chirped, since I was the only one who said that.

"Hey 'Me,'" Alice replied before ruining the happy moment with, "Fuck, I am so fucking sick that I swear I just puked up a horse's arse."

I fought back my laugh, our well-bred mother didn't like swearing or cussing or any other vulgar language. Alice liked defying our Mother, and went out of her way to swear in front of her. She was now considered a major failure in life because whenever someone tried to "fix" Alice, she only got worse.

"I didn't need to know that, thanks." I chided her. "I know we are close, but there are some things that need to be secret."

"_Secret? _What's that?" she sarcastically asked. "So what's up with the call?"

"Just wanted to see how you were going since you haven't called for three days; must be a new record for you."

Alice groaned about dying and not being able to pick up the phone before dry retching in my ear. A few minutes later, she heaved a sigh and coughed. "Sorry. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. Michelle came down with the fucking flu and I swear if that fucking bitch has given it to me; I am so going to fucking fire her arse."

I rolled my eyes at how stupid my sister could be sometimes. "You don't vomit if you have the flu, you dick. Did you eat anything that could have been off or did Jazz cook?"

Jasper aka, Dr. Death In the Making, had the ability to kill anything off. Whether it was a potted plant in a neighbour's window across the road, or anything that resembled food. You _always_ jump at the opportunity to do the cooking. Even when Jazz announces he is going to pop something into the microwave.

To this day, there is a family joke about Jazz and his cooking expedition.

He decided to cook his Momma's Texan Stew one night. It smelt like it had been concocted out of car battery acid and looked like Hades in a pot. I hadn't been game on trying it, so I feigned Jenny Craig's and ate the salad that Alice had prepared. I was thankful that I hadn't tried it because the smell of 'Momma's Texan Stew' had killed the outside plants and we'd had to rush his colleague to hospital.

That was the last time I ever saw and spoke to him because when he had recovered, he moved to another State shortly afterwards.

_I wonder why?_

"Are you suggesting that my boyfriend can't cook?"

I imagined Alice's tiny little hands on her hips, even though she was probably either in bed or on the couch.

"Now, Ali, would I say anything like that? Besides you both know I love him to pieces and that I wouldn't say anything about Jazz's horrible... _er_, lovely cooking."

Alice laughed before it was cut off with a moan. "_Yeah, yeah_. Just you wait 'till I tell him what you said! Anyway, do you think I would still be alive if my douche had cooked?"

"Probably not, in fact there is a good chance I would be attending your funeral by now." I agreed. "Well the only other possibility I can think of, is that you are knocked up or your body is protesting against you."

There were a few beeping sounds on Ali's side of the phone before complete silence.

"_Mother Mar_y, are you still there?"

"I, er, just got a message from the Boutique telling me I have to ring and confirm a shipment. I'll call you tomorrow or something. Better yet, we'll do lunch at South Bank. Get Edward to find us a place."

I knew she was lying, I could hear the quiver in her voice. "That's what all the boys say when they come to my milkshake bar."

Alice would have laughed at the joke. "Well, I'll talk to you later. Bye, Bells." she states before hanging up.

Placing the phone back into its jack, I sat there staring at the blank screen of my television. I couldn't decide if I wanted to spend the rest of the day in front of the screen watching movies while eating take out or get out of the house.

Getting out of the house won.

Bending down and pulling on my joggers, I grabbed my wallet and mobile from the hallway table and the house keys before punching in the code and closing the door behind me.

Going through the missed calls. Five of which were from Mum as well as text messages.

I was busy reading what my assistant had sent to me via text when I got knocked over. Landing on my back as a heavy weight pinned me down; my phone fell from my hand as a slippery, wet tongue made its way into my mouth when I opened it to scream.

Judging by the weight, breathing pattern, as well as the fact the hair didn't feel like a human's, I had been knocked over by a dog.

I turned to the side so then the awful, slobbery kissing would stop. When I straighten my legs, the dogs paw landed right on my nipple. My eyes shot open in pain while wondering if anything had been seriously damaged in the process but it wasn't like I could lift up my shirt and check in a public area.

I shoved the dog off me as its owner reached down to drag it off me, I heaved a breath of fresh air through my hair before rolling over onto my hands and knees. Lifting up the corner of my shirt to wipe my mouth out, my body felt like it had just been pounded into the ground by a professional wrestler.

"You should have the dog on a leash or something." I suggest, wincing at how sore my throat and body was. "Or maybe take it to doggy school, where it can be taught not to jump on people."

I heard a door being unlocked and the dog being pushed in before it was closed.

_Great, now the dick leaves me here without so much as an apology. What a fuckhead!_

"MacBeth has been trained better than to behave like that." The owner apologised. "I thought I had his leash but I must have dropped it when I was holding onto the box. I'm helping my brother move into his apartment. And I am sorry about MacBeth jumping on you, Mrs...?"

"It's Miss, actually." I volunteered, wondering how old this guy thought I was from behind. "And don't worry about it; I have been knocked over by harder and larger things."

_Things with longer, larger cocks that's for sure_ I thought, rising to my feet. I make sure that my tits weren't sticking out over the band of my shirt and inhale before turning to look at the owner. And literally felt what I was just about to say, shrivel and die on my lips.

And mentally kicked myself since my betraying body has just woken up from its nap and realised it was horny. I blush as the Niagra Falls suddenly appear in my panties. And pray that the ground would open up and swallow me whole, while skin tight, jean wearing Adonis continues to smirk at me.

"Talk about having foot in arse syndrome," I joke, finding myself suddenly uncomfortable to be around him. "I can honestly say this never happens. I'm Bella and I live in apartment 26C, as you probably would have seen before your dog knocked me over. And _you _are?"

His smirk grew wider and all of my attention was drawn to the two perfect dimples set in his cheeks.

Mr. Adonis introduces himself as Emmett, smiling broadly and I find myself smiling along with him. Looking up into his emerald green eyes, I wonder where I have seen similar if not familiar eyes before but can't pin it down. He once again mentions that it wasn't his dog but rather his brother's.

I try to look over his shoulder to see if Emmett had another Adonis like brother, but since he was clocking at six foot one and I was only reaching just below his shoulder, I soon give up. So instead, I peer around him and am more than a bit disappointed that I don't see Mr. Adonis Two behind us.

I'm laughing at the story Emmett is telling me about his family when the sound of shattering glass and cardboard crunch stops Emmett in mid-sentence.

Having moved to stand in front of him, I notice that the colour in Emmett's tanned face has diminished somewhat and my head turns automatically in curiosity to see who was staring at.

The chuckles of laughter died up on the tip of my tongue and I felt like I was standing outside of the principals blinking door, waiting to be asked to come in.

In midst of broken glass fragments and a crinkly box that looked it would break even with a slight gust of wind, stood the last person I ever expected to see on a weekend much less outside of the office.

On his tall body, it looked like he had taken clothes from the late eighties, nineties to mid-2000's and had merged them all together.

Pulling myself out of the memory sand pit, I knew that all it would take to complete the outfit was a baseball cap, clock pendent swinging from his neck and his pants to be below his arse cheeks.

"_What the fuck?_ Cullen." I said, startling Emmett. "What are you doing here?"

I cross my arms and eye ball him as his brother gazes back and forth between us.

"You know her, _Eddie Boy?_"

Edward turned his gaze away from mine and sighed. "She's my Boss."

"Who's '_She'_? The cat's mother?" I snarled before telling Emmett, "Cullen is my personal assistant, soon to be assistant to someone else."

I felt Emmett's shocked gaze turn to look at me before bursting into laughter. "Oh I like her, Eddie. But then, I love a woman on top... holding me, cuddling me, riding me... You get the drift?"

"I'm sure we both do and I don't think my employer would like to know about your girlfriend riding you. A little _TMI_ if you ask me."

"Oh, Eddie; are you jealous?" Emmett sing-songs, in a little girl's voice while skipping on the spot.

Edward gets down onto one knee and begins to pick up the few pieces of glass that have escaped from the box without making a comment to Emmett's question.

The uncomfortable tension between all three of us could have been cut with a blunt knife as we watch Edward rise to his full height. Shuffling a foot back and forth, it's at the moment of catching Edward eyeballing his brother that I decide I'm going to bail on the situation.

After picking up my property from the ground and wiping the dog drool off, I hold out my hand for Emmett to shake while mentioning it was nice to meet him finally. I smile sweetly and tell him how his brother has mentioned him a lot (translate to, not at all) at work. Turning around and saying goodbye to Edward, I tell him that I will see him Monday morning.

_Bright and Early._

Saying good bye once again, I headed towards the elevator and was stepping inside when Emmett burst into another round of hysterical laughter, I overheard Edward tell him to, "Shut the fuck up."

As the doors slid shut, I turned to look at my reflection in the mirrors and let out a groan.

My hair that had once been straight, thanks to my straightener, was now standing up in a clump of curls at the front. The light foundation that I had put on to hide the bags under my eyes had been washed away when MacBeth licked me and the dry patches of dog slobber were now visible to the naked eye.

After scrubbing my face to get rid of what I could only describe as: Freddy Kruger inspired makeup; I felt like the family member that you would stick in the corner because of how they dressed. My ripped jeans and white shirt combo had been completed with dog paw prints over my nipples and an invisible sign that read: _FUCKED BEYOND WORDS..._

Quickly snapped a picture of me looking pathetic amongst the muck and captioned it: **This is why people shouldn't have dogs** before sending it off to Alice.

Twenty minutes later, while I was staring down at the containers of ice cream and deciding if I wanted cookies 'n' cream or cookies 'n' cream, my BlackBerry vibrated against my arse cheek.

I open Alice's email and read:

**To: ****Bella Swan,  
>Private Email Account<br>CEO Red Swans PR Incorp.  
><strong>**From: DrGreenEyes  
>Date: Saturday 19th November 2011<br>Subject: What the hell happened?**

**What happened? When I mentioned extreme sex last time I saw you, I literally didn't mean with a dog. I meant buying a swing or some extra sex toys, not something that has four legs and a tail. Besides, is that even legal? And who owns the dog?**

**To: DrGreenEyes  
>From: <strong>**Bella Swan,  
>Private Email Account<br>CEO Red Swans PR Incorp.  
>Date: Saturday 19th November 2011<br>Subject: Toys with four legs**

**It is illegal to have sex with any type of animal. Plus I wouldn't even dream/think of having sex with, let alone buying anything to do with a dog. Dog + sold 28C = new owner. And this is where it becomes funny; the new owner turns out to be my P.A. How is that even possible? It's clear the atmosphere/ Earth hate me.**

**.**

**P.s Met the brother too... Hot! But taken )':**

**To: Bella Swan,  
>Private Email Account<br>CEO Red Swans PR Incorp.  
>From: DrGreenEyes<br>****Date: Saturday 19th November 2011  
><strong>**Subject: Hot Brother Out, P.A IN!**

**When you mention P.A, you happen to be mentioning Assward right? Assward = Edward btw. Because his arse is so smouldering that you must either be blind or near stupid to miss an opportunity when it comes to staring at that fine piece of meat. **

**Also while we are talking about him, are we going to have a little house warming party for him? And when I mention "we" I mean him and you. Sitting over a candle lit dinner, eating spaghetti meatballs, sipping deliciously cook wine while staring deeply into each other's eyes? *Sighing***

**Oh by the way, ColdShower Mafia just uploaded and holy shiznick... Am I going to beat the drum hard tonight. **

**(;**

I fought to keep my lunch down my neck at the thought of Alice and Jazz going hard at it because I had already unfortunately witnessed some funky shit, which I never wanted to see, nor talk about again.

Ten minutes later I dump my bags onto the kitchen counter and sigh heavily as my heart continued to pound and my legs shake uncontrollably. Since I had taken the pussy's guide to "Missing-your-next-door-neighbour", I had climbed some of the stairs before cheating and taking the elevator. _Are you seriously going to take the stairs in case you happen to "run" into him everytime you step outside of your apartment? For God sakes, that is so fucking childish._

I hated it when my conscious was correct. "Fuck me!" I exclaimed, slapping myself on my forehead. "This fucking sucks donkey's nuts."

With a quick glance down at my answering machine, I notice that there is a flashing _5_ in the window. I stab the button with a finger and start putting away my groceries.

"_Hi sweetie, it's Mum. Just wanted to see how you have been and to remind you that family dinner isn't tomorrow night but rather this Friday coming. So pack an overnight bag and don't forget to bring your date because everyone will be present. Love you."_

I groan at the thought of "_everyone_" being present. I'm pissed that guns are illegal in Australia since I wanted to shot something. But then I'd already been planning something on how to get out of it without alerting Mum's sniffer nose.

My mood seemed to drop even further, when I heard Alice's voice across the speakers.

_"Don't think about deleting this because I know you too well, Sister of mine. Just wanted to tell you that Assward has the perfect arse you want to cup in your hands and fucking squeeze. Also check out picture number eight on TCS. It's fucking hot! My kitty is purring..."_

I pressed the delete button while the puke tried to rise in my throat again.

_"You have to get onto TCS NOW! I never thought bondage would look so hot."_

That one seemed like it was normal so I allowed it to stay on my answering machine for the mean time.

_"Have you got on ColdShower Mafia yet? Tina has just added another fucking picture... And let's just say, Tina Baby, you are so fucking rocking my world with peens and peens."_

I had been afraid of introducing Alice to TCS, because when Alice loved something, she becomes addicted to it. And sure enough, my predictions had become a realisation. And I fear that I will have to do a 'sisterfrention' because Jazz told me that she was forever on the site.

It had been MySpace, Tumblr, Skype, Facebook, Twitter, and now it was ColdShower Mafia.

Whoever had thought of "When the cats are away, the mice will play" I had no doubt had been dreaming of my sister when making this quote.

The next message was another of my sister reminding me about 'Assward' as Alice had now dubbed him, Tina's wonderfully talented fingers and mouse as well as TCS newest photos of 'gorgeous looking peens and fine lookin' young men that made her kitty meow.'

Pressing delete for that one, I prayed that no one make the suggestion that it would be cool to snap pictures of your partners cock and put them up on screen. If so, my internet life was over.

My ice cream had melted and had to make room for it when the next message played and it caught me off guard. _"Miss Swan, this is Edward Cullen. I'm just wishing to apologise on behalf of my obnoxious brother, in case he has said anything offensive to you...Fuck! MacBeth, you bad dog...FUCK, STOP!"_

And that was my message from Edward 'Assward' Cullen, apologising on behalf of his brother.

I never had imagined Edward apologising since he was always so picture perfect down to the tee and he had certainly never sworn. That was until I burst out into tears of laughter.

There went my theory of him being a robot planted on the planet for scientific research, he had just proven that he was human after all.

Wiping tears off from my cheeks while still chuckling, I left the messages that hadn't been deleted and wondered into the lounge room.

Lying down on my couch with a sigh, I stare up at the creamy white ceiling before my gaze slides to where my laptop sits, blinking at me. I debate with myself. Go in or flick on the television and blank out for a while. My urge got the better hold of me.

As my leg bounces up and down like a crack whore waiting for her next fix; I clicked onto Google Chrime and watch as the main page appears on screen. Signing in with my private email and password and with a quick scroll downwards, I see ColdShower Mafia on the side bar and click on it.

A shot of adrenaline went racing through my body as I nibbled on the side of my thumbnail. Wriggling impatiently and crossing my legs, finally, the pictures came up on my screen and I had to fight back a howl of excitement. It felt like my fetish for being naughty was being allowed to come out of the box.

ColdShower Mafia was anything a girl could possibly think, dream, sniff, smell, touch, crave about regarding cocks, all wrapped up in one convenient site.

Scrolling past the guy who had his cock in a metal contraption that made me wince, I got to the goodies. Licking my lips at the pictures of guys in the shower, a cowboy walking across the lawn completely naked and couples making out, I was ready to call it quits when I finally found the ultimate panty melter.

Mouthing "_holy shit!_" I couldn't tear my eyes away from one tanned hand holding a cock and the other hand holding onto a can of shaving cream in comparison. The guy should have been dubbed "_King of Peens_" because the can looked small compared to his wonder peen.

Continuing through the others, I was two seconds off from signing out and signing in with my vibrator when my phone started ringing 'Queens of Noise.'

I fought back a groan as I picked my phone up from the coffee table. "Hello Alice."

I was greeted with, "What the fuck is wrong with your voice? You sound like you have been sucking too much Assward cock and not enough water."

"Clearly you have forgotten that Duck has left my house and I'm currently fuck buddy-less"

"Well of course I haven't forgotten that. However I am suggesting that you should at least suck some Assward Cock."

"Alice." I warned.

"The reason I'm calling is because a friend of Jazz, his brother's band is playing..."

I grounded my teeth. "_And?_"

Alice sighed. "I know you must be getting horny because it has been three days since Duck left the building. So I thought it would be a good time to get back into the shagging wagon."

I slammed my head against the back of the couch and refrained from doing it repeatedly.

"I'm only looking out for your best interests. Besides, it will be crammed packed full of fucking hot, young guys who will have eager cocks looking for a hole to pillage and plunder."

"Alice, please..." I started, before she cut me off.

"No! No _'Alice, please'_ bullshit. Last time you got all pussy-footed, I didn't say anything because I knew you were fucking heart broken when dipshit did the deep on you. This time, I am putting down my foot and you will be fucking coming with us, whether you like it or fucking not. You fucking got that?"

She was correct about how I had been a pussy and had claimed to have food poisoning to get out of it.

"Besides, Jazz's other friend that is coming tonight; you are going to love him."

I groaned inside because when Alice said I was going to love him, it either meant he'd either spent the last year behind bars because he was up to no good or he was seriously damaged and I needed a fixer-upper.

"Fine," I sighed, hoping that it would shut her up. "What time do I have to be there?"

"We have to be there at 9.30 but that means it will give you enough time to have a little nap, get waxed and pampered and then we hit the scene. And wear something sexy." Were Alice's parting words. After putting the phone back on the coffee table and signing out of _TCS_, I closed everything down and walked into my room. Shuffling my feet over the cool timber flooring, I fell face down onto the mattress and let out a groan.

All was quiet until a _thump_ from next door broke the silence. Peering through a partially open eye, I wait to see what else would happen when the next _thump_, only louder this time happened again. I glare at the wall like it was deliberately doing this and counted to ten when it happened again.

I didn't want to be one of the psyco next door neighbours that complained about everything even down to the smallest detail, but I knew that if this continued; not only would I be losing sleep but Edward would be losing strips off his arse when I ripped him one.

So I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Call it a neighbourly thing to do, but he was going to pay miserably when it didn't stop.

Settling back and getting comfortable again, I closed my eye and breathed deeply through my nose and let it out through my mouth while practicing the meditation from the yoga dvd.

_Breathe in... Hold for ten and slowly release for five... Breathe in...Ignore the thump and exhale..._

I drifted off when the thumping sound stopped while meditating and woke with a start. Turning my head and seeing that it had been an hour, I blinked tiredly and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

Swinging my legs over the bed and stumbling a bit as I got up, I walked into my ensuite and put the plug into the bath tub before turning it on.

From previous experience when dealing with Alice, a soak in a bathtub for a few hours seemed to be the cure but in this case, I only had thirty minutes.

When the bubble bath had been poured in and my clothes lay in a jumbled mess, I place a foot into the tub and wince at how hot the water is. Leaning over and with a quick adjustment with the cold water, I leave it running and slip in.

With the sound of water rushing, bubbles popping, the sound of a dog barking madly and its owner telling it shut the fuck up, my life seemed different than what it had been three days ago.

Taking a deep breath of air, I close my eyes and slide underneath the bubbly layer and into the water below….And I enjoyed the silence that filled my head. Staying underneath the water until my lungs started to feel strained; I rose from the water with a gasp and blinked to clear the water.

After washing my hair and body, I hop out and wrap a bath sheet around my body before making my way into my closet. I flick on the light and the room becomes a shiny treasure trove that any girl would have an orgasm over except to me it was a total waste.

I'm your basic jean and shirt girl but Alice keeps on insisting about how I should try to get out of my comfort zone. And tonight was the night I was going to do that.

Hopefully that would keep her off my back for a while. _Well at least a night._

Walking past my tailored jeans, white cotton dress shirts, coloured tees, short and long evening dresses and power suits; I settled for a pair of skintight leather pants and a see through top.

I see a pair of ankle booties and quickly grab them before walking out and throwing my clothes onto my bed. Then go in search of killer undies and bra. Pushing aside the virginal white crap that my Mother insisted on buying me for my birthday, I located a tiny g-string that left nothing to the imagination and its matching push up bra. Glancing down at my 14E chest, I knew everyone would be staring at me tonight.

_Guy or Girl._

Donning everything but my shirt, I gave myself a quick do over before going into the bathroom and blow drying my hair until it was semi dry. I reached over and grabbed some hair gel and rubbed it into the length before scrunching it dry. Watching my lifeless curly hair go to amazing ringlets and waves, I turned my head from side to side and felt the ends of my hair, brush against my lower back.

Quickly applying some moisturiser, concealer and mascara, I was smoothing on some paw paw cream when my phone went off. Throwing my I.D, condoms and gum into my clutch and the last two things that soon followed were travel size toothbrush and toothpaste.

I bend down and put on booties then give my hair a final toss and scrunch. Walking through the house and out the front door, the key was put into my clutch before grabbing out my phone. I scroll through my messages and see that Jazz has sent me one.

**Babe da Garden Pub nw. Alice going 2 send driver 2 pick U from apartment. No drink driving...Cops out In force 2 nite****.**

For a man who had a degree in medicine, he certainly likes to shorten nearly every word down if possible in a text.

Pushing the elevator down arrow button and boarding, I quickly typed a reply back.

**Driver would be great, thanks. See you in about thirty when I get there. Are you at the bar or in our normal spot? B x.**

Thankfully, when I got outside of the apartment complex, I spotted our normal driver for such occasions and walked over to him.

"Evening Felix, I see that you are looking happy today." I stated at a sour faced Felix.

Grunting a hello, Felix opened the door and waited for me to step inside before closing it behind me. He walked around the back of the car and hopped in behind the wheel and waited for me to tell him where to go. I glanced up from my BlackBerry and told him that I needed to go to the Garden.

Lounging back in the seat with a sigh, Felix took off from the corner and stopped at the set of lights a block down from my house. Staring out the window at smiling people and ones who were laughing, I smiled at the sight of pure happiness on their faces as Felix took off again.

My phone vibrates since I had turned it onto silent and I opened the reply Jazz had sent me.

**Normal place taken bi skank bitches. Go 2 bar n I will cum get u or Ali will. C u sooner rather than later judging bi how Felix drives. J x**

Pulling up a block and a half from the Garden Pub since there was nowhere we could get there and get out without the car being smashed, I waited for Felix to open the door before stepping out. Straightening my shirt and pulling the chain to my clutch over my chest, I thanked Felix and told him that I would call him when I needed him to pick me up.

I waited for Felix to pull away before walking the block and a half to the pub. After showing my I.D and debating with the newbie bouncer that I really was 25 and not 17, I finally was allowed in after nearly screaming blue murder.

I knew that if I hadn't been a regular, the cops would have been called and I would have been spending the next 20 minutes behind bars while Alice got money out of the bank.

Sliding up to the bar and grabbing the only available seat after sending Jazz a text saying that I was here, I ordered a vodka with cranberry from Jake, the bartender and sat staring at the racks of bottles.

I sip my drink through the straw when a light tap was applied to my right shoulder. I turn around to see Jazz standing there with a massive smile on his face. The drink was finished in two mouthfuls and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Jazz laughed loudly at me except it was washed out by the noise.

Wrapping my arms around his shoulders since it felt like it had been ages since I had seen him last, I grabbed hold of his blonde hair that wasn't tied up in a ponytail and gave him a kiss on the lips. Leaning back and staring at him, his grin got even wider at what I had done before he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a cuddle.

When the greetings and long lost conversations were over, we finally made it back to Alice, who sat on a stool swaying to the music. Sensing that I must have been near, she turned her body towards me and let out an ear piercing scream before rushing over towards me. For someone who was less than five feet five, Alice could put a body builder's strength to shame.

Releasing me only to grab me by the cheeks, Alice grinned up at me before screaming, "Finally you arrived. I thought it was only going to be me surrounded by males."

"Felix drives like a lunatic so I would have been on time, "I yelled jokingly. "There's nothing wrong with being surrounded by males, if I remember correctly."

"You got it." Alice replied. "You want a drink? I'm having some orange juice."

Looking at Alice with a weird look on my face since she was normally half tanked by now, I raised a brow and she shrugged her shoulders in a "tell you tomorrow over breakfast" kind of way.

Bending down until I was ear height with her I whispered, "You _owe_ me."

Like someone had lit a fire crack under her skirt, Alice went white in the face before flushing brightly. We didn't have to be twins to know what happened in each other's lives and what we meant.

"Tomorrow, ten O'clock. At my house." I ordered her, surveying the crowd while nodding my head to the music.

The band finally headed onto stage while waving lazily at the crowd in greeting, a few dumb bitches of cattle screamed in excitement.

Rolling my eyes at how stupid some people could be, I nodded my head towards the bar before leaning down and asking into Alice's ear if she wanted something to drink.

"Orange juice." Alice yelled to me before turning to look at Jazz with a puzzled expression on her face.

I head to the bar and order my usual as well as a straight OJ before handing over the crash when the total was tallied up. Taking a sip from both glasses since they were filled to the brim, I turned on a heel and had to dodge some arseholes that were standing in my way.

After Alice took her drink, I glared at the guys who were staring at me with annoyed expressions on their faces; I take a much needed sip. Swallowing it, I hissed through my teeth when the vodka hit the bottom of my stomach like a freight train and watched Alice bopping along to an emo version of '_Valerie_'.

While Alice continued to bop away, I realize that Jazz isn't with us anymore and wonder where he is. Scanning the crowd, I spot him a few meters away talking to a person with his back to me.

Ruining my eyes over his delectable shoulders that made me along with every other female within the vicinity, want to go up to him and lick them. Licking my lips at the thought of him naked beneath me, my eyes drop to his arse and I felt like I had died and gone to Arse Heaven.

He had two cute little handfuls that made me want to push him onto the bar and do body shots off his arse.

Alice bumped me with her elbow and said, "Who's that talking to Jazz?"

"I don't know but I reckon he is going to come home with me tonight." I grin at Alice before turning my attention back onto _Mr. McAss_.

"If I wasn't with Jazz, I would be going up to him and asking him to fuck me on a bed of satin sheets." Alice yells, blushing.

"You and your bloody satin sheets," I said, rolling my eyes. "Don't tell me they would be crimson too?"

"_Fuck yeah!"_ Alice exclaimed with excitement. "Oh look Jazz is bringing him over. Bring on the fucking cannibals of fucking arse munching."

Smiling at her and turning to look at the band and nodded my head along with the beat to one of the band's original songs that they had played last time they were here. Sipping and nodding, I turned to watch Jazz dodge around a herd of cattle before spotting us.

Smiling at him I gave his cheek a kiss and a fond pat as he smiles at me and pats my cheek back before throwing an arm over Alice's tiny shoulders and rubbing his chin over her head. Grabbing the hand near her boob and giving it a kiss, she squeezes it before turning her attention to the guy that had followed Jazz.

Pasting a smile on my face and turning, the colour drains out of my face and the empty glass that I had been holding must have slipped out of my fingers because Jazz caught it with a quick swipe of his hand.

I can see the end of my social life, my privacy and my work life all being blown up in a single blink of an eyelid from him. It was like the end of my existence had been shattered.

And like any other sentence that had been spoken to him today, I yelled "What the fuck are you doing here, _Cullen?_"

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><p><strong>So what did you think?<strong>

**Goodnight and Good luck with writing your own stories.**


	2. Chapter 2

**The Twilight characters are not of my thought or creations. They are the creative thoughts and dreams of Stephanie Meyer. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without expressive writing guaranteed by the writer, ©2011 Scarlett Valencia (E.).**

**All rights reserved worldwide.**

**Note:- All chapters unless otherwise stated are all in Bella'sPOV.**

**Thanks to everyone who left a review behind.**  
><strong>And how do you guys, feel about LionsGate producing a Twilight Show? Excited or traumitised at the thought? Tell me what you think, by leaving a review behind.<strong>

* * *

><p><em>And like any other sentence that had been spoken to him today, I yelled "What the fuck are you doing here, Cullen?"<em>

Nudging me with an elbow as if to remind me that I am being rude because of what I had just yelled without apologizing; Alice giggles annoyingly before nudging me again.

I ignore Alice's attempt at me being polite and stare at Cullen like he sort of space freak Alien. Who, any minute was going to ask me if he could probe me with a freaky scaly, green finger.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Cullen?" I repeat, with a glance at his hands.

_Nope, normal looking hands with clean, square cut fingernails. _

_And might we say: hello Fingerward! Who are your Mummies? God, can you imagine those puppies trailing across _our_ skin? Playing imaginary musical notes across _our_ stomach before gliding them down-_

Like any other time when the two sides of my brain are free styling against one another; everyone was staring at me as if they were waiting for me to declare that I was mentally incompetent.

And before I even think about making up a joke to break the incredibly slippery and dangerous ice, the stupid, non logical side of my brain had to finish the free styling battle off with:

_Fingerward and Assward are fucking hot and you fucking know it. Except once again; you're too chicken shit to admit it to yourself._

_It_ had a point and I was nervous to admit, even to myself that I was chicken shit.

Jazz says something to distract everyone from continuing to look at me, so I turn to Alice like she was/is some sort of key holder of answers. To the questions that were boiling inside of me and I desperately wanted to questions to be answered, particularly the ones that kept on repeating inside of my head.

_Why is he here?  
>Is he a stalker? <em>_  
><em>_Is he stalking me? _

_Am I going to have to fire his arse because he lives right across the hall from me but I know that if I do, I will feel guilty for doing so? _

_And finally; am I losing the plot?__  
><em>_If so, do I need to go to fucking __**rehab?**_

An uncomfortable silence that everyone seems to hate while standing in a group distended its cloak on us. We all stare at one another, waiting to see if they would be the one to break the ice before quickly looking away.

"Alice, say something." I whisper, moving closer to her.

And just like that my sister's brain finds a question, which turns out to be the wrong one.

"So _Edward_, are you waiting for someone?"

Pivoting around, I stare at her like she had just suggested that he should climb up onto the nearest table so she could do a shot off him stomach and my eyes widen in horror.

"I am, Alice. Except she seems to be running a few minutes late, probably because of traffic or she forgot what the time was while getting ready for tonight."

"_Aw._ How fucking cute! _Our_ little Edward has a fucking date. Isn't that fucking sweet, Bella?" Alice comments, opening her eyes wider and I watch as that spark appears in her eyes.

I groan and can't help but think: is she fucking kidding me? Besides, is he even old enough to drive let alone date a woman?

_Of course he is, you moron! Hasn't been jailbait for a years now and you should know this because you hired him. Oh p.s. He's the older then as you by a year__.__ Cha-Ching!_

"_Totally! _It really is cute._"_ I raise my brows in pretend excitement and glance over Edward's shoulder like I'm trying to see if I can locate someone.

But I'm not. I'm actually looking for where the exits are and the girls' toilets in case I have to make a quick escape.

Feeling a tap on my shoulder and seeing that it was Jazz who had tapped me; he smiles at me before handing over the glass that he had caught.

I thank him with a smile and take another sip before letting out a sigh. Forcing myself to tune into Edward's story about how his date knew the bass guitar's brother from high school and when she found out they were playing, she had to listen to their groovy music.

As the first bars of _Chop Suey_ starts playing and the word _groovy_ swirls around inside of my head, I coughed to cover up gag reflux and a pressed a hand to my throat to remind myself, I was in public.

It was like _Rolling Stones_ claiming that Black Sabbath was a love sick band, full of happy Bambi and puppy dog moments and that Elton John was thinking about going into heavy metal mainstream.

"Ah, she must be a fucking _darling _then." Alice coos, smirking at whatever little sick plan she had conducted inside of that warped head of hers. "I can't wait to fucking meet the little _princess_."

I groan out loud at the images and ideas' of my sister's that she had conducted towards previous '_out patients'_ as Alice had put it.

"What's the matter Bella? Aren't you feeling well?" Edward asked me, bringing the rim of his glass to his lips and raising a brow before taking a sip.

"It's nothing really." I lie, knowing full well that my sister is up to no good and it was going to cause trouble.

Leaving Alice and Edward to talk, I walk towards Jazz and lean against his side while staring at the two.

"How long do you think it will take?" I ask him, staring at Edward and catch him in the act of tucking a strand of hair behind his ear before smiling down at Alice.

"I say thirty minutes, max." Jazz comments before he takes a mouthful of Jack Daniels.

Swallowing it and hissing slightly, he throws an arm behind my back and gives me a squeeze on the hip. "What do you think, Bells?"

"Last time it was over 30 minutes and less than 90; so I'm going to go with an hour." I reply, going to take a sip but then frown down at my empty glass.

I deposit it on one of the empty trays when of the bartenders walk past. Wrapping an arm around Jazz's waist, I lean my head back on his shoulder and say, "Besides, the question is: How much are we betting this time because remember, I won last time."

Jazz reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet before flipping it open. I see a wad of cash as he began to count it and says, "I've got four hundred and ninety five dollars on me, give or take a few dollars. You want to bet that much?"

That was like play money for me when I went shopping. I shook my head. "I don't want your money Jazz besides that's how much Alice blows on getting her shoes, waxing and hair done."

The sound of waxing on Alice brought a naughty grin to his face as Jazz rubbed a hand over his chest before chuckling. "I love it when she goes shopping."

"I don't." I moan, shuddering at the first time Alice had tagged me along on one of her shopping expeditions and ended up on a waxing table, screaming.

Chuckling, Jazz slipped his wallet back into his pants all the while continuing to stare at Alice. "Then what do you want as a prize_, if you win_?"

I didn't want to drive his baby or Alice's since I had already been there and done that. Which lead me to not wanting cash since I already have plenty of that and we both knew that I certainly didn't want Alice sending me a pamper package with a card saying: "For your fucking vag. Love, fucking Alice."

And just like that the imaginary light bings over my head and I chuckle evilly. Because that only leaves one thing that I haven't claimed for.

"I want the beach house." I shout over the noise of female cattle screaming because the singer had winked at them as Jazz chokes on his drink before banging on his chest to dislodge the liquid.

"_What?_ What did you just say?" He croaks, wiping tears out of his eyes and inhales deeply.

"Casablanca. I want it. For one _month__._ That means no interruptions and distractions; Alice appearing on the doorstep, telling me that I am ruining everything and that my wardrobe isn't stylish." I pause allowing it to sink into his head. "This means, no communication with the outside world; unless I have to and only then."

There was silence from Jazz before he asks, "When do you want it?"

"January."

"January?" the look of sheer pain on Jazz's face was funny. "Who's going to look after Red Swans?"

I have already crossed that problem off the list before even thinking about Casablanca. "Daddy's been complaining about retirement and how much golf with the dick buddies can be taken. Plus he has been itching at the palms to get a look at how well Red Swan is doing. So he can babysit her while I'm on holiday."

"He finds golf boring with the dick buddies already? Wow, and he's only been retired for less than a year." Jazz laughs.

"Leave Daddy alone, he can't help it if he retired so young..." I think about the day Daddy sat me down in his office, leaned forward in his big, black leather chair and told me he was retiring at 49 and that I was not only going to run the company but he was going to put it in my name.

And just like that, I walked in with a university degree underneath my belt and when I walked back out, I not only ran a company but I owned it at the age of 22.

"I give him a month before announcing that he will be working part time at the office. So with that, you have yourself a deal, Miss Swan." Jazz said, sticking his hand out.

Reaching out with my hand and grasping it in mine, I shake his hand with a grin and knew that I was going to win the bet. Leaving Jazz all alone and sulking in the dust behind me.

A few minutes later, I mention that I am going to the bathroom and that I will be back before moving off.

I pass through the herd of cattle that were milling around the bar for their drinks to be served and step outside into the open air bar and inhale the somewhat clean air.

It felt nice to be away from the yelling, loud music, hot, sweaty bodies and the occasional bump or grope that was expected when someone was moving behind you and the way too long linger on my tits.

"You okay? You're not going to be sick, right?" a voice from the dark asks me.

Peering into the darkness of the hidden corner, I see that it is Jake, one of the bartenders. "No. I'm fine thanks. I just needed to escape from the heat and the oncoming whack job."

I notice that no one is sitting next to him and my legs are starting to get sore from having to stand on the balls of my feet. Walking over and asking if the seat was taken, I sit down on the bench that had been built into the wall and let out a sigh.

OhmyGod that feels so good to be off my feet and sitting down, I thought leaning back and crossing my ankles. I openly watch him as he inhales on his cigarette and then exhale before smiling. Reaching into a back pocket and bringing out the box containing his smokes, he flicks back the lid and silently asks if I want one with the packet.

_Do I want a cigarette? Fuck yeah!_

Feeling a rush of naughtiness since it has been a while since my last cigarette, I took one and put it in the pocket of my shirt. "Its for later." I say, patting the pocket gently before turning to gaze off into the distance.

"So is there anything worth exciting happening for you?"

"Nothing much except enjoying the quietness instead of being screamed at." he says, exhaling smoke and closes his eyes before reopening them. "I know you come here often with the short, pixie like brunette and I don't even know your name."

"I'm Bella."

_And I like to bake cookies for my workers in my toy kitchen. I also have a large pink vibrator that I use on a daily basis, but now I'm pretty much interested in seeing what you have down your pants._

"Well you know my name. So who's the pixie?"

"Yours is the only name I know who work at the bar. The pixie on the other hand happens to be my sister."

"No shit."

"'Fraid so." I sigh, as if I was carrying the world on my shoulders. "Besides its not like I could ask my Mother if she could take her back to the pumpkin patch and ask for a refund or choose another one."

Jake laughs at hearing that and I can't help but chuckle with him.

"But she doesn't look anything like you. I mean she's petite, small in height, black haired with a very loud personality and likes to say _fuck_ alot. While you, I mean..."

I wave a hand down my body and say, "I know, tall, brunette with big boobs."

"I guess if I was sick bastard I would say that but since I'm not, you're more than being 'tall with big boobs.'"

Blushing, my throat dries up and I scuff my foot along the ground. "Thanks Jake. Its, _ah_, been a while since someone has said that about me." I whisper, blinking hurriedly to clear the tears from my eyes.

"Really? But who wouldn't tell you on a daily basis. I mean, you're a goddess."

I shrug my shoulders. "The dicks I normally...used to date. It was like he/they only ever saw me as a breathing, walking hole for him/them to get laid by before leaving."

My throat closes up at the thought of past memories being dragged, fighting and kicking to surface and I turn to look away from him so then I don't embarrass both of us by my free falling tears.

"I'm really sorry."

It was like he was apologising for every dickweed on the planet, who had wronged a woman or had left her at the church door with no explanation as to why he didn't want to get married. As why he had fancied his skanky whore of co-worker from the moment she stepped into the toilet wearing no undies with him.

_And that's why you choose to have one night stands and fuck buddies. No connection what so ever with the opposite sex and therefore that means _**we**_ can't be hurt, ever again._

"Its okay. At least I hadn't gotten to the alter, yet." I laugh dryly.

"God, I feel ashamed even having a cock right now. Just knowing there are wankers walking around thinking that every woman is going to drop to her knees, begging for us to allow her to suck us off."

"Think that is why they are listed in the yellow pages under chauvinistic pigs and creeps."

"Then it is equally nice knowing that there are guys out there that do open the door for a lady and make sure she is safe and warm before saying goodnight. My Momma always says, that every gentleman should be taught to become one from the minute they start crawling."

I turn to look at him and ask, "And how is that coming along?"

Jake grins and shrugs his shoulders before rubbing the back of his neck. "Have meet about three tonight but otherwise, the rest of those guys in there would probably leave you high and dry within an hour."

"Clearly they need to be house trained before being able to be accepted into society as trained dicks." I state as my clutch vibrates in my hand.

I know I've been gone much longer then it normally would to wait in line, take a pee. Or finding someone in the crowd; bring them into the spare toilet, have a quickie before staggering out.

As Jake continues to laugh at my comment, I open my clutch and pull out my phone before pressing a few buttons. Sure enough, sitting there in black and white is a message from my miniature pittbull asking me where I was. And if I was busily fucking someone; use a condom.

_Thanks Mum for the pep talk about using a condom!_ I thought, quickly sending back a reply saying that I would be there within ten minutes and not to have a heart attack.

Sliding it back into my clutch, I let out a sigh before turning too Jake. Just sitting there staring at him like we had known each other forever, the corners of my lips tilted as he began smiling back at me and I smothered a giggle.

_Now is not the time to be getting all coy and shit since you have just blurted your guts up, nearly. Seriously come on, there's another guy you could be crushing on right now but you're sitting here with Bar man. Pull yourself together GIRL!_

Rubbing my hands across my thighs, I stood up from the bench and stuck my hand out. "I had a nice time talking to you, Jake. But I have to be getting back inside now or the pixie will be looking for me."

Grasping my hand in his, the sense of warmth and power washes over my body as he gently shook it. "I had a nice time talking to you too, Bella." Jake's voice has gotten deeper and I feel how wet my panties were when I cross my legs. "Do you think I could perhaps, if you allowed me, to call you sometime? That's if your boyfriend doesn't mind?"

This time I do giggle. And loudly. "Oh, I don't have a boyfriend and I would like for you to give me a call."

Watching him bend back a bronze arm and reach into his back pocket, he hands me his phone and I punch in my digits for him. Saying good bye and walking away, I got to the door when my phone went off again and I bite back a curse at Alice for sending me another text.

Opening my inbox, I see that it is from an unknown number and I click to open it.

**I had a great time talking to you, Bella. Also I forgot to mention that you arse looks fucking hot in those pants and I wouldn't mind taking them off you if you ever allow me the chance. Until next time****.**** Jake.**

Spinning around I see that he wasn't sitting where he had been with a big smile on his face. Smiling at the message he had sent me, I feel my tell tale blush settle in my cheeks as I quickly send one back.

**The arse is doing a happy dance, knowing that someone thinks it looks fucking hot tonight. There went my rule about not boosting the fragile but massively large ego. As to taking them off, I look for it, Bar Man. B.**

Stepping back into the bustling cattle market and yelling at some bitch to watch her fucking way next time, I find Alice and Jazz where I had left them. Stalking over to them and taking the glass out of Jazz's hands, I take a mouthful and swallow it before hearing Alice claim that Edward has his date with him.

Throwing back another mouthful before taking my final one, I hand Jazz back his now empty glass and turn to see who was with my assistant and nearly spray Alice in the face with my mouthful. I knew from previous experience that any alcohol to the eye hurt worse than having a brazillian, as I put a hand over my mouth to stop the _JD_ from escaping.

"_What the fuck is she fucking doing here?_" Alice screams, grabbing hold of my arm and digging her nails into me.

We both watch in complete silence and horror as our high school enemy comes bouncing towards us.

It was like watching from a witness's point of view, a man standing on a train track watching the oncoming train heading towards him; knowing that you couldn't get to him in time because you were already staring at the horrific crash.

"I have no fucking idea at all. Please tell me I am dreaming this and that I haven't been transported back into grade 11." I beg Alice, hoping that she would tell me that I'm not back in the shit hole.

"Nope, we aren't in year 11 and we are in fact standing in the Garden. _I think._" Alice replies with an expression on her face that I could only list as hard core horror.

The oncoming train wreck could only be described as _Tacky Barbie_.

Tacky Barbie was the one and only person, who you hid in the corner at every party or at the sluts table for weddings because you were not only ashamed but you were frightened of being seen in public with her.

I turn away from Alice because she was wearing exactly the same expression that was on mine and I don't want to see it. Except my eyes were drawn to Tacky Barbie as she bounced her way between two guys; who were eyeing up her fake leather mini skirt and in the process, got a glimpse at what she ate, or rather didn't eat, for breakfast.

I'm not surprised to see that her once flat chest had inflated to DD and were now straining against the short and tight shirt that proudly outlined her aroused and probably rock hard concrete nipples.

Raising my eyes from the oncoming beckons of light and going past the drag queen make up; they landed on her bleach blonde hair and winced at the extra black regrowth.

_How could Edward be interested in that piece of double used tacky trash?_ Was the only thing that seems to be running through my head when they both came to a stop in front of us.

"Everyone," Edward says, casually throwing a hand across her shoulder as a wince slightly crosses his face before it once again goes blank. "I would like you to meet..."

"_Renesmee Volturi_." Alice and I both say at the same time.

Glancing between us three with a confused expression to his face, Edward scratches the back of his neck and clears his throat. "So you, ah, all know one another then?"

Alice was in too much of a shock at the sight of Renesmee standing in front of us, so I reply with "We all attended the same high school with one another."

The _Loch Ness Monster_ let out an ear piercing squeal and began to jump up and down.

Watching that in slow mo, only confirmed our beliefs about her tits being indeed fake and the fact they were made out of concrete since they never moved along with the rest of her.

"OhmyGod! I can't believe I am standing here in front of _Belly Baby Bella _and_ Amazing Awkward Alice._" Renesmee's high pitch squeal makes Jazz wince, then frown at what she had just called Alice as Edward glances between us two.

Taking a step forward and raising a fist since I intended on punching the fucking bitch in her fake tanned face, Alice grabs hold of my raised hand and digs her nails into it.

"That's us." she chirped before glancing at me from the corner of her eyes. "So what have you done with yourself since high school?"

That was the wrong question to ask Tacky, nasty Barbie.

We hear about how she married Mike Newton out of high school and then a year into the marriage, realizes what a total drag he is before divorcing him. Before hooking another boyfriend, who was richer then her second ex-husband, who had paid for the boob job for her 21st birthday and then once again, got rid of him.

Standing there with an openly bored expression on my face, I wish that I could be sipping a glass of something so then I wouldn't have to put up with hearing Tacky Barbie go on and one.

_Oh my fucking Jimmy Choo, can the bitch drag on even more about how the doctor had botched up her lip collagen. Fuck out, seriously._

_Can you imagine the reaction she would have if you told her that you had more money then you did back in high school? Oh, the wonder._

Realising that I mustn't of been listening to her fuck boring, long winded speech since I had flicked back the cuff of my shirt and I was now looking to see what the time was; _Loch Ness Monster_ lasered me with her gaze and asked, "So are those Manolo's from five seasons ago or did you get them out of the dumpster?"

Once again, the urge to smash the bitch floods my body. But then, I was too of a big girl to punch her.

"Actually, I got them while I was in New York attending business with one of the companies there. Wasn't it a few months back, _Cullen?" _I ask, glancing over at Edward and raising a brow.

"It was last month _actually,_ Miss Swan." Edward coughed into his hand before smoothing the front of his shirt with it.

"_Miss Swan?_" Renesmee blurts out with. "You just called her by her last name. You realise that, right?"

"Yes." Edward replies.

I stood there with my hands on my hips and look back and forth between the pair before commenting.

"He works for me. And before your bitch arse nasty mouth can even think of forming two syllables, he doesn't work as a prostitute either. In fact, he's my personal assistant and he is damn good looking one at that."

_Oh my god, did I just compliment Edward Cullen on his looks? FUCK! Kill me now with a stiletto heel._

Staring at Edward with my mouth hanging open and a blush making its way up my neck, I make a sound in the back of my throat and quickly look down to make sure that I have everything in my clutch.

I knew I was being a cheap skate because I couldn't deal with the look of shock on Edward's face; I decide on doing what I do best. Bailing out of a situation before I am backed into a corner and my exits are cut off.

Quickly ducking down so I can give Alice before stretching to give Jazz a kiss on the cheeks, I take a last look at everyone before knocking Renesmee in the shoulder as I make my escape.

I push past people and slip through gaps that are made before finally finding the door to the pub.

Ignoring the looks from people as I skid to a halt to readjust my shoe before taking off again; I'm half way down the second block from the pub when I hear my name being called out.

With a quick glance over my shoulder as I came to a stop at a set of lights, I spin around ready to fight someone and see that it's Edward and he has been the one chasing after me.

"What do you want?" I huff, putting my hands on my knees and inhaling deeply.

"I wanted to make sure that you got safely back to your car."

I don't know if I should have felt touched at the thought of him caring about whether I got home safely. Or if I ended up going missing that there would be someone else signing his cheque weekly and he should worry about not having a job.

"I'm fine." I reply while straightening up and looking over my shoulder at the pedestrian's red blinking man. "You can go back in now and rejoin in the group discussion of 'let's pick on _Belly Baby Bella_'."

I can't help but sneer the last part of the sentence as I remember the vow I had made while walking out of the school gates for the last time. I'd promised to myself that I would let go of the bitterness and hurt from being bullied by Renesmee Volturi and that I would lock any emotion or feeling away.

Clearly the ice chamber of a human I had become after that day had not only started thawing but I knew the shattering of it was inevitable.

"I didn't know that she had hurt you like that or I wouldn't have asked her to come and hang out." Edward's tone told me that he felt guilty for bringing her.

"Edward! We're not in high school anymore and we don't hang out." I yell, fighting the urge to throw a massive dummy spit and then to start crying. "We are employee and employer and nothing else."

Edward growls in the back of his throat before grabbing hold of his hair. "So you don't mean what you said about me being a good looking personal assistant then?"

I let out a groan and say, "It came out of my mouth before I could even think of what I was going to say."

_Liar, Liar, pants on fire! You have so been thinking about him as a piece of hunky roast pork in your bed with his cock ready for you to start eating. _

"Now, is not the time." I mutter to the voices in my head that seem to be agreeing with one another for once. "Edward, even if I did think about you like that, _which I don't_; it wouldn't work out."

"So this wouldn't turn you on and ask me to fuck you." he growled, closing in the distance between us.

With a shocked look on my face while trying to process what he had just said; my neck cranes back since Edward is pushing at 6'1 nearly 6'2; he grabs hold of my elbows and jerks me up against his chest.

I manage to only get three words out when my brain decides on shutting down and his gaze flickers across my face. And then, Edward is suddenly kissing me, as if he knew I have been lying and he wants to force the lies back down my throat.

My body struggles with shock as my hands hit Edward's shoulders before something snaps inside of me, and it gets over its initial shock before melting into his body.

With the combining scents of Blue Stratos, cigarette smoke, beer and his own personalized unique smell that should be bottled, I let out a moan.

Feeling as if I was drowning and the only way to stop myself from sinking was by wrapping my arms around Edward's neck and pressed my body further against his.

I ignore the goose bumps that are going crazy on my arms and open my eyes slightly so then I can peer out from underneath my eyelashes and see that Edward has his eyes closed.

With the occasional flicks of the tip of his tongue against my lips, I finally give into the urge and open my mouth shyly. Shifting his head so then he could kiss me deeper; Edward runs his fingers through my hair before weaving them and tugs gently.

Letting out a moan, I grab the back of his neck with a hand to steady myself since my legs feel as if they were going to give out on me any minute and slid my free hand down over his shoulder and back, before settling it in the groove where his hips met his arse.

Edward breaks the kiss with a lingering slowness that would have put all of my past lovers into the shame box and at the same time, I had to refrain from grabbing hold of him so he wouldn't ever leave me.

_Wow; you have feelings? Clearly that was so touchy there; Belly Baby Bella. What happened to being stone cold dead as the Snow Queen?_ The sound of Renesmee in my head asking me those questions stopped me from doing exactly what I wanted as I took a step back and coughed into a hand.

"I thought so." Edward declared smugly. "Didn't think me kissing you would turn you on at all." He pushed back strands of his bronze hair, which has reds and blondes through it, from his face and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

I noticed that there was a flash of hurt on his face before the "Cullen" mask slipped down, taking the flashing, fiery lust in his eyes with it.

And to keep my heart from wanting to jump out of my mouth, I stand there with a hand pressed against my lips before dropping my eyes to the ground.

"Good night, Miss Swan." were the parting and cutting words before hearing the steady rhythm of Edward's feet taking him away.

_Way to go, fuck up! Crush the poor kids feelings why don't you and yours in the process as well. No wonder why everyone didn't like you in high school, Belly Baby Bella. You and that retarded sister of yours._

Once again the cutting words of _Tacky Barbie_ flooded my head as I stumble the rest the way while trying not to cry.

Ignoring the lingering looks I was getting from people walking past, I fish my phone out of my clutch and quickly call Felix.

Ten minutes later he pulls up in front of where I'm standing and got out to open the door for me. Not saying anything except his usual grunt, I throw myself in the car and wait for the door to click behind me before I burst into tears.

I look out through the tinted windows at the people walking and talking before growing blurred, I muffle a sob against the back of my hand when Felix's hand appears over his shoulder with a hanky.

"Thank you, Felix." I sob, reaching out to take his hanky before settling back in the dark. "I'm the biggest bitch on this whole entire planet. No wonder why I don't have any fucking friends."

Saying that out loud only makes me sob even harder into the back of my hand as I turn to look back out the window. Since I know I'm not only embarrassing myself but Felix also. Thirty minutes and hiccupping from too many tears, Felix opens the door and I slid out awkwardly as if expecting him to comment about how ladies should cry behind closed doors and not in public.

I stand there waiting for what seemed like light years but all Felix does is shake his head, grunt before closing the door behind me and walk around to the driver's side.

He waits for me to go inside and I flick a wave at him before punching the security code for the apartment block on the extra gates and step inside; only then did he drive away.

Nodding my head towards the night guard stand and seeing that he was new while waiting for the elevator, I nodded again before stepping inside. Punching the _PH2_ button the metal doors slid closed, blocking out reality and the stone cold factor that I was fucking miserable.

Bending down and slipping off my booties as the door slid quietly open, I walk barefoot down the corridor and come to a stop outside of my door.

After sliding the key in and with a click, the door swung open after I touch it and make my way over the alarm system. Typing in the code, I leave the door open and quickly scrawl a message on an empty envelope to Edward.

I grab my house keys from my clutch in case I lock myself out and walk across the small landing that separates our front doors and bend down to push it through the small gap before walking back into my apartment.

Once I have locked my front door and slid in the keychain before testing it to make sure, I let out a moan of pain and misery and set to stripping my clothes off.

Leaving my booties and clothes behind in piles, wherever they landed, I step into the shower and begin to wash off feelings that were lurking on top of the surface as well as the fresh tears that were falling

Ten minutes later, I'm in bed with the blankets tucked around my waist and I remember that I haven't sent a message to Alice, telling her that I was safe and sound behind closed doors.

I reach out for my phone and quickly bring up a blank text message before typing in:

**Sorry about not sending one quicker but have arrived safely at home. ****Alone.**** Have interesting information in regards to Assward and the ability to kiss when you come for breakfast tomorrow at 10. Bring something in cereal form since I have run out; unless you plan on drinking coffee and coffee only.**

**3 B xo**

After sending the message, I waited for a response and sure enough she sent one back. Except it wasn't from Alice; judging by the message.

**Hey, we are home 2. A not cumin 2morrow, she sick from something. She doesn't want 2 put u in harm way. As 2 u & Assward (?), will leave u & A talking about that. Nite sweetie, J xoxo.**

P.s. Wiggling i-brows.

Shaking my head, I turn my phone off and put it on to charge before rolling over onto my back so then I can stare at the ceiling with a frown on my face.

When nothing came to mind, I roll back over onto my side while bringing the blankets up to my chin and then do I realise, that when Monday arrives, Edward Cullen is going down in a ball of flames.

No one kisses me and then runs away.

Oh no, I am going to make his life living hell.

* * *

><p><strong>And before I quickly go, if anyone knows of a Beta, could you please tell me. Cheers!<strong>

Goodnight and Good Luck with your writing!


	3. Chapter 3

**The Twilight characters are not of my thought or creations. They are the creative thoughts and dreams of Stephanie Meyer. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without expressive writing guaranteed by the writer, ©2011 Scarlett Valencia (E.).**

**All rights reserved worldwide.**

**Thanks to Smmiskimen for being my Beta and to TGB for being a great friend. As to rest of TCS ladies, hello ladies!**

**And to you readers: Thanks for reading and for leaving reviews, we as a community appreciate it.**

**So remember to read and leave a review behind! **

* * *

><p>My phone vibrates and begins its little dance across the top of my table and I push back the papers that I have been working on since nine o'clock this morning and stretch to get rid of the kinks in my back,<p>

Opening up my email inbox since there was only one person who would message me, I pull up Alice's email.

**To: Bella Swan,  
>Private Email Account<br>CEO Red Swans PR Incorp.  
>From: DrGreenEyes<br>Date: Wednesday 23****rd**** November 2011  
>Subject: You're too BIG to fit in here!<br>**

_**What a lovely ride  
>Your penis is a thrill<br>Your penis is a Cadillac  
>A giant Coupe de Ville<br>Your penis packs a wallop  
>Your penis brings a load<br>And when it makes a delivery  
>It needs its own zip code<br>Nine - double zero - penis**_

**TheColdShower has uploaded… (;**

**-A. x**

I glance at the door, waiting for a few seconds to see if someone would kick it in before making a mad dash to find the link to the _TCS_website.

After previously posting a comment about being warned and threatened with her account to be shut down, the creative Mary had started posting pictures on a website.

With another peep at the door even though it was locked, I settle back down in my chair and begin my torture and fetish trip.

Settling for five men that I wouldn't mind passing my phone number onto along with a sly, but casual wink, I'm in the process of saving them when Cullen's voice pops up.

"Miss Swan, there is a Mr. D waiting for you on line two. Shall I page him through?"

I blink a few times while being suspended in time as Cullen's voice came out of the black box near my phone again.

"_Miss Swan?"_

I lean forward at the waist, press the lone button on the box and clear my throat. "_Cullen_, page him through in a minute. Thank you."

I wasn't going to be talking to a client with a frog in my throat and breathing heavily so it sounded as if I have just been fucked by a man or the football team.

Not that I didn't mind having one of the guys from _TCS_ dress up as an American Grid Iron player and scratch the little itch for me that I have been feeling for a week.

Even after multiple sessions with my trusty vibrator, dildo, and hands; they hadn't been able to even scratch at the itch.

Clearly the little so called itch had now turned into a raging, weather forecast of pure horniness.

"Sure, Miss Swan."

Closing the website down, I glance at the clock on the bottom toolbar on my computer screen and move the curser sides ways to bring up my appointment book. I notice there wasn't a Mr. D. listed down as a phone interview as my phone begins to ring and I shrug it off.

He was a walk in then.

I wait for it to ring three times and clear my throat before picking it up.

"Bella Swan speaking, how can I help you, Mr. D?" I ask, clearing a space on my desk and reaching for a notepad and pen.

"Good morning Miss Swan. I am in need of help and I'm wondering if your company can help me?"

I am fighting back the smile that is tickling the side of my lips as I can't help but wonder what he will try to sell me today or this week in fact.

"And what product are you wishing to be advertised to the Australian nation, Mr. D?"

"The product I am wishing to be advertised is called: _The Fuckhead Mojo_."

"So the product that you are wishing to be advertised is called, and I quote, is '_The Fuckhead Mojo'_"

Clarifying that the product was indeed listed under that name, he asked if anyone else had thought about creating something in that line of business before.

"I thought Alice had created that years ago, Old Man."

He laughed at the nickname that he had grown to find funny over the numerous years. A regime of Botox injections, tanning salons, spray-on-tans and the large amounts of bimbo's had made him refuse to grow old.

_Maybe one day he might find a woman that will smack the shit out of him and make him wake the fuck up._ The voice of my grandmother sighed inside of my head before the image of her looking pathetic appeared.

I actually agree with her.

"Bella," Daddy sighed. "I created it before you and your sister started thinking about boys. But then, Alice was already been planning her wedding since she was five."

"At least I wasn't put down at the '_Bitch in Heels'_." I remind him, swinging my legs up onto the edge of the desk and tip my chair back slightly. "So what can I do for you, Daddy?"

"Just wanted to see how the new temp is going with Edward." I let him know by a groan. "She's that good then?"

_Jessica Stanley_ was like any other twit I have unfortunately bumped into during my life span.

I could only refer her to as the annoyingly sweet next-door neighbour, who would bake treats that would need a seven-day diet plan to work off the excess fat on your thighs, when she welcomed you into the neighbourhood.

That's if the idiot could read the recipe of the back of the _White Wings_ box.

If she wasn't flicking her super bleach blonde hair over her shoulder, pouting naturally (collagen) enhanced lips at Cullen when he asked her to move out of his way, or pushing out her equally as fake breasts; then she was fixing up her spandex outfit that left little to the imagination.

The meaning: _Do not pass Go and do not collect your two hundred dollars, _kept on ringing inside of my head. Along with: _Congratulations, you are now in jail!_

_Soap anyone?_

Sighing, I rub at the brewing headache behind my left eye.

"Daddy, it's like your HR department went scouting at one of the local high schools. All Jessica is interested in is: Garry's cock size, having a permanent position and the word '_like_'."

"Well," he seemed to stretch the words for a few heart beats. "You could always fire her."

"Makes sense but too messy if you ask me. Instead, I'm going to move her to another department. Maybe Mark's since he needs to be taught a little lesson."

"I told you to fire him or at least send him over to me."

"_Daddy_, I like to _fuck_ with Mark's mind. Plus it is to remind him why I came to be on top and how he came to be demoted." I laugh evilly before quietening down.

"So I don't think the only reason you called what because of the _Twit. _What else can I do for you, Old Man?"

"Oh, I just wanted to see if you had spoken to your Mother lately?"

"No. _Why?_"

"She called me."

"Probably so she could complain about me not showing up to dinner on Friday. And in the process bribed you into bribing me into coming?" I question him, already knowing what the answer is.

"Of course," Daddy jokes. "How did you already know that?"

"Daddy, it is _Mother_ after all." I pause briefly. "So what did she buy you?"

There was pause on his side before a small cough. "Well that's a funny story, now that you mention it."

I gasp in horror and clench the phone tighter in my hold. "_No!_ You _didn't_."

"_I did_." came this pathetic answer complete with belly heaving sigh. "We know those golf clubs have always been on my wish list. I have always wanted them since they came out onto the market."

"That's not the point. You _already_ own five other pairs. I am so disappointed in you for allowing her to do that and use your _insane desire_ for those clubs against you."

"But _Bella_..."

"No Daddy, no '_but Bella_' me," I declare. "And I bet she threw in a free yearly pass on her behalf at the golf course. All expenses paid for."

There was just stone, cold silence on the opposite end of the phone from Daddy.

And I make my final decision when I hear that silence. "I am so disappointed in both you and Mother. So my final answer is: _I'm not going_."

"Honey..."

"_No_. Let me finish. Mother can take back your golf clubs and the membership and _you_ can be the one to call her back and tell her."

"Sweetie," Dad whines in my ear, making him go from an adult to a five year old merging onto a temper tantrum since he hasn't gotten what he wants. "You don't understand. These clubs are _limited edition_."

"Damn right, I don't fucking understand. And to be honest, so is my fucking patience with the lot of you." I say. "I'm going to go before I say anything else rude or wrong. Tell Mother and goodbye."

After I hung up, the next few minutes were spent sitting at the desk with my hands clenched into fists, having to resist the urge to call her and rip Mother a new one for being a complete psychotic bitch.

Knowing that wouldn't satisfy me at the least, I storm across the large office and come to a stop in front of the wall of glass windows and stare out at the surrounding buildings.

Normally the mundane grey, self absorbed little ants working in these buildings would have amused me on any other day.

But today, trying to figure out what they did after work hours only seemed to increase the heavy burden of having to prove as to why I had gotten this job position in the first place compared to some of the higher cattle.

Not only to my parents, but also to the company's board who were waiting for a slight "mistake" so then they could not only terminate my arse but take over the company.

This wasn't, nor had it been the first time that Father or Mother had made me so claustrophobic in their pursuit of having the "happy family image".

They had been, and still are, self absorbed in pursuing this bullshit way of life and when it came to celebrating my 14th, 16th, 18th and 21st birthday; they hadn't been there.

Other times they had let me down along with Alice when they had "accidently" forgotten the finals for ballet, netball, soccer and gymnastics.

The time I graduated university, a full year ahead of the class I had started with; only to be told by Mother that I could have tried harder and she wished I had picked a better career.

Before telling me that Daddy was off playing golf with his business buddies and she had been forced to take time out of her busy schedule to "see me off".

Alice discovering me on the bathroom floor, telling me over again that she would never leave me again before swearing that everything was going to be alright. And that she was here for me, forever.

_Cradle to grave._

I felt as if I had stepped back in time and watched myself having to tell my parents, who were all starched in their fancy dress clothes, what had happened before the look of utter disappointment appeared on their faces.

I had failed as such in their eyes and they then began to do damage work, so that nasty little secret wouldn't get out amongst the civilised people.

Fighting the images and inhaling deeply, I open my mouth as my eyes scrunch up and let out a silent scream that seems to be coming from the bottom of my heart.

When the blackness comes to consume me, I smell the scent my Grandmother's perfume and the protective warmth of her arms around me before the ceiling begins to grow distant.

Sometime later, when I feel as if I can now face the world without needing an oxygen tank, iv drip and liquids, my eyelids flicker and a small sigh escapes from between my lips.

The image of a leather clad harlot, complete with fishnets and midnight thigh high fuck me boots is soon joined by a tweed clad woman with her hair in a bun and pearl earrings and necklace; appear in the frontal lobe of my mind.

I automatically recognise who the fuck they are before they start talking.

_Bella's brain is starting to wake up from what that fainting incident... _Oh my goodness_. These sheets are so soft that I wonder if Edward's bottom is this soft, naked?_

Bad Cop #1 as I have now dubbed her sounds as if she grew with a plum up her twot while Mummy and Daddy force fed her with a silver spoon.

She had the perfect English accent, complete with rolling _R_'s, which would have made my English teacher so proud and furthermore up her arse; knowing that she had the "perfect student".

_It's because they are Egyptian cotton and of course they are meant to be feeling soft, _you fucking moron.

Bad Cop #2 sounded as if she had come from the Bronx (_Browns Plains_) and therefore had been raised with the: "Oh, no, you don't" facial expressions. Complete with the head rotation, finger snapping and the don't-fuck-with-me attitude. _  
><em>

I wouldn't have been surprised if BC #2's boyfriend carried knives in his socks, chains around his waist for a giggle, and lounged in front of the local shopping mall because it was their gang's hanging out spot.

_Bogan City_ wasn't just called _Bogan City_ for a reason.

_Oh my goodness. You didn't just call me an idiot, did you?_

Clearly BC #1 wasn't the smartest of the cherries to have been picked from the tree.

_..._

_Oh you are so rude! Besides, where are we?_

_Well since you asked ever so kindly; we are in McAss's bed or in this fantastic case: Assward's already turned down bed. With: Egyptian cotton sheets. _Wink Wink.

Opening my eyes so quickly that they snap and retract from the back of my head, I stare down at the blankets that are tucked in around my body and start to feel the panic crawling away at my stomach.

_Please let this be a joke and I'm in my apartment in the guest bedroom. Besides, do I even own Manchester that's black sheets?_ I think to myself, peeling back the pitch black comforter with red swirling, intricate details that were caving my head in and encouraging my panic attack.

Sure enough the sheets are pitch black but fortunately for me, don't have the swirling crazy pattern that is on the comforter.

Pushing the blankets back and swing my legs over, I am about to stand up when Cullen walks into the room holding onto a tray that has steam rising up from it.

_The man can cook?_ My face forms a mask of horror because if its anything like Jazz's cooking, I _really _was going to die.

"What do you think _you_ are doing?" he asks me, placing the tray on the tall boy and then crosses his arms with a frown.

One of the voices murmur: _Ask him to turn around. We just want a quick little peek...okay perve at his McHottie ass. Pul-lease?_

"What does it look like?" I glance down at my body and note that I still have all of my clothes on, bar my shoes.

"Don't worry, you still have all of your clothes on and I haven't ravished you." Cullen says, winking. "It looks like to me that you are getting out of bed so then you can go back to work for the next hour."

_He knows us well then,_ BC #1 comments before blowing a kiss at him and winking.

There was just silence on my behalf since I really didn't want to be reprimanded like a three year old who had accidently taken off.

Edward sighs before running a hand through his bronze hair. "Okay, Bella. We have _two_ opinions here and you can only pick _one_ of them."

_Oh goody. What's the options then lover boy? Tying me up and spanking me with your hand. Or better yet my personal favourite, you going down on me while I'm tied up._

And just like that, I am ready to kill BC #1 and #2.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed and quickly running my hands over my skirt clad thighs, I nod my head.

"_First option_: You are going to stay in bed, with no paper work, because for once I am listening to what Jazz has told me."

I nearly shout "You called Jazz?" at him.

To which I get an annoyed expression from Edward and a hand telling me to shut up.

_Since when, in the last three years, have I started referring Edward as _Edward? I thought.

_Well you have always secretly referred to him as Edward now and then, but you started when he called you Bella. I think that means: _Love is in the air... Everywhere I look around.

I kybosh BC #1 and #2 singing _Love is in the Air_ by JPY before nodding that he could continue.

"_Secondly_: you can come out into the lounge room, watch TV after promising not to bitch and moan about being bored." Edward states leaning against the tall boy.

"I have work to do since my boss will fire me if she finds out that I was looking after you and therefore being a slack bastard."

I raise my brows at hearing Cullen/_Edward _swear openly in front of me but also joke about his "boss" firing him.

"Well, it seems that your boss is a total bitch then."

"I know right." Edward jokes.

He turns and grabs the tray before waiting for me to follow him down to where the lounge room is.

Sliding off the bed uncomfortably and straightening up the blankets, I run a hand down the back of skirt to feel if it's straight before trailing behind Edward.

Edward's apartment is actually the same layout as mine except the only difference was the bold and masculine colours he, or someone else, has chosen for him; but yet they still had that slight touch of femininity to then.

But when it comes down to the furniture in the apartment, you can tell he had been the one to pick everything out.

The couch looks as if the cushioning has shifted but still manages to be comfy. A large coffee table made out of glass sits in front of the couch, covered in magazines, paper work, appointment diary and Edward's laptop.

Every man's dream or favourite toy was braced up against the creamy pale yellow wall and underneath it sat a handmade low bookcase that held every DVD possibly known to mankind.

Raising my eyes away from DVD heaven and back up, I don't know whether I should be impressed or intimidated at the sheer size of his plasma.

_Dang girl! What'cho going to be like; when you finally get to see his package? The frightened little virgin, who starts crying at the sight of it because it is large and you are nervous. Or the horny bitch, who can't wait to jump his bones?_

BC #2 did have a point about portraying the nervous virgin or the bitch that makes his knees shake.

Catching a flash of light from the corner of my eye, I turn to look at where it came from and feel my mouth open on its own. Where the flash came from, covering the centre of a large wall sits a collage of framed photos.

I walk over to them and peer up at the smiling faces quietly. Frowning, I observe the relaxed body positions of everyone, who are either smiling at someone or laughing at something that has been said.

The single photos of Edward show a beautifully, chubby little toddler with curly brown hair, clutching a toy before the next show him standing proudly beside Emmett in his school uniform and backpack waiting on the ground.

As I sweep over them, the subtle change of Edward's character choice are only hinted at.

Splotch of paint on a pants leg. A casual grin lurking on his face but in his eyes, there is a hidden pain. Subtleness of muscle and hair choice before finally coming to the end of the collage where a recent image of him in a black suit and cuddling a woman; makes my heart flutter still before beating again.

Having another look at Edward as a teenager until now, I try to figure out the hidden answers to the questions that cannot be spoken off until a shaft of jealousy hits me so hard.

Pressing down on the spot with a fist and hissing quietly between my teeth, I stay like that until the pain subsides and my composure is back in place.

Turning away, my lips tilt up at the corner and I smile at Edward, who is staring at me with a confused look on his face.

_If only he...They knew._

"The photos are lovely." I lie, walking over to the couch and sit down.

"Thanks, Bella. Mum has been forever taking photos of Emmett, Jazz and me but now, we all know that when she brings out that camera, you run."

I laugh along with Edward before falling silent and begin to fidget with the bottom of my skirt since I didn't know what else to talk to him about.

Before any thought of conversation entered my mind, he asks if I am comfortable, do I need anything to eat or drink because he could go and make something for me.

I'm about to smash him in the face with the remote control when he finally sits down next to me and lets out a sigh before going back to work.

Flicking through the channels, I feel Edward shift on the couch before muffling something against the palm of his hand. When I've gone through all of the channels, I settle on Gone with the Wind and curl myself up in a ball with my head on the arm of the couch.

I'm about to drift off when Edward clears his throat and quietly asks, "_Bella?_"

"Yes Edward?" I almost let out a whimper.

"I'm really sorry about what happened on the weekend. I shouldn't have done what I did."

"You have nothing to apologise about." I tell him.

He looks at me uncertainly and I stretch to place a hand on his hand and pat him a few times.

"I really am sorry." He apologises again.

"Edward, what happened on the weekend is in the past. Trust me."

_But we seriously wouldn't mind have round two, now would we ladies?_

A silence seems to fill the void that settles between us and we both turn back to what we were doing before the conversation of last weekend was brought up.

Flicking the channel again since Gone with the Wind is now starting to bore me, I settle for the channel about surfing when my phone starts ringing.

Automatically I stiffen up and wonder if I can avoid this conversation.

_She_ was one of those types that if someone died two seconds before they picked up the phone from a heart attack, she would find it insignificant on their behalf because they had put her out.

Edward hands me my phone without looking at the number and I thank him before inhaling deeply.

_Note to self: Buy a plot of land at the cemetery or find out how much it would cost to be cremated._

"Hello Mother." I refrain from sighing down the phone.

"Your father called me and told me that you still were not coming on Friday. Why?" Mother's greeting words were.

"I went over the business diaries and a business functions has popped up and I must attend. Besides, I have already told you _twice_ this week that I wasn't coming. But it seems like normal that you have not been listening to me."

Not bothering to get up from the couch and move into another room for privacy, I glance at Edward and roll my eyes at him when he smiles back at me and gives my knee a squeeze of encouragement.

This wasn't the first encounter he had to put up with me sounding crazy or lying to my mother, who was a large, juggling act of a handful.

Devil horns, forked tail, little red body and flaming pitch fork included.

"I am going to choose to ignore the comment about you have a '_business function_'. I haven't heard of it from your Father." Mother's voice changes slightly before going back to normal.

I know when her voice pitch changes before going back to her crazy, breezy, calm voice; she is pissed off but since she is a lady: _a lady never raises her voice in public or over the phone_.

"It's the truth, Mother." I lie without any hesitation. "Accept it or not. I don't _really_ care."

Mother does an unlady like thing and sighs. "_I want_ to have the _Flitts_' over and you simply _must_ attend. Otherwise the numbers will be out, people will be asking where you are and _I _simply cannot deal with that. Think of _my_nerves, Isabella."

And that was the reason as to why I did not want to attend her dinner party.

It wasn't because my Mother wants to see me and press kisses on my forehead while smoothing down my hair.

_No_ it was because she _couldn't/didn't_ want to deal with people asking questions and of course, odd numbers causes these questions, especially with an empty chair at the table.

And I knew from previous conversations, there was something else that she had yet to explode onto my lap.

"The other reason why I am inviting the Flitts is because their son is of good prospect for marriage."

_And there went the bomb. _

I watch as it lands in my lap with a great thud, causing me to arch forward from the sheer weight of it before the bomb explodes into thousands of little bits and pieces.

In the aftermath, the diagnostic read: _Scorched lap, multiple broken bones, internal bleeding, severely damaged heart, 3__rd__ degree burns, possible multiple surgeries and the need to commit suicide, lurking behind all open and closed doors._

"Mother," I growl. "I live in the _21st_ century and there is no need to be inviting the Flitts' over because their son is of good genes and blue blooded money."

I am so close to screaming down the phone at her that I pinch the base of my nose and squeeze my eyes shut. "When I want to marry, I will marry then and to whom I choose and not who you choose. If I end up with eighty-two cats, change my name to Mildred and become a spinster is _my choice._"

Edward coughs at the word 'spinster' and I glare at him.

Mother scoffs before saying, "_Ever the dramatics_. When will you ever stop being so dramatic, Isabella? Besides, I wish you would consider getting married now before you turn _thirty._"

Mother has always had something against being thirty. The way she made it spoke of it, you would automatically think it came with thirty kilos of horse shit, one kilo for every birthday you managed to spend alive without committing yourself.

Not including the incontinence pad in the mail and a STI that you got from a one night stand in the West End.

"Probably in your case: _never_. Forever, the failure I am." I quote, using her words she said to me one the day I graduated university.

"You embarrass me in public with your dramatisations." Mother sighs unlady-like, once again. "Are you coming to dinner?"

"So the reason why you want me to attend _'dinner'_ is because if I don't attend: people will ask where I am, the numbers will be out and the Flitts' son is great choice to marry."

Mother agreed by the silence that flowed over the phone.

"Right, I thought so. And I still can't do dinner. Goodbye, Mother." I say and hang up for the second time on my other parent.

I threw the phone onto the ground causing MacBeth to jump up from his corner and bark at it.

Edward tells MacBeth to be quiet and lay back down and I send him an apologetic look before turning to look up at the ceiling.

The oncoming waves of pain that normally follow after getting off the phone from Mother causes me to clench my fists tightly again and then it hits me like a bullet train.

When I was able to unclench and move again without feeling wounded, Edward leans over and puts a hand on my knee.

He rubs in a circle pattern while making soothing noises in the back of his throat but that isn't what I want.

I shove his hand off my knee and crawl onto his lap before wrapping my arms around his chest and lay my head on his shoulder.

The thought of making him uncomfortable doesn't enter my mind as I bury my head further into the side of his neck and bit down on my bottom lip to stop the tears.

All I want is for someone to comfort me, tell me that everything is going to be alright and hold onto me until I feel whole once again.

"Edward, please." I murmur into his neck before one of his arm wraps around my waist and the other around my shoulders before sliding down slightly so I'm lying on top of his body.

It takes a while for the feelings of hurt, betrayal, pain and being an unloved object, to be replaced by hope, love, comfort, acknowledgement and positivity.

Moving my arm a fraction and opening my fingers, I run a finger down the side of Edward's neck, feeling the bumps and scratches of his beard coming through before splaying my fingers at the base of the his throat.

I position my head backward slightly so then I can see his face and smile slowly when Edward peers down at me.

We spend a while just laying there in silence, with me running a hand up and down his neck, Edward gazing down at me with a small smile lurking across his lips and the occasional whimper from MacBeth. Who was no doubt, chasing something in his sleep.

And in those seconds of feeling as if I was at peace, I got hit with the ultimate thought.

_This is how a real relationship should be between two people._

You come home, drop your things at the front door and go searching for that one person who you have been thinking about all day. You wrap your arms around them and smile at the thought of being with them for the next ten hours.

_You are able to hold them and comfort them against your body, listen to them moan about work and tell them how much tomorrow would be so different when you both know it won't be._

_Feel the love that both of you have spent pouring into your house, not only in time or energy, but also remember the time you made love against the wall, the kitchen counter before falling to the ground in a fit of laughter. _

_And then they turn to you, give you a smile, ask how your day has been all the while knowing, that you are forever without a doubt: _the one_._

Normally after having that double whammy hit me like a two ton truck, I would be so fast out that door; you would think that Kathy Freeman had left the building. Instead, I am lying on top of Edward with a smile on my lips, wondering if it was possible.

"Hey." I murmur with a blink.

"Hey." Edward whispers back, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

I capture his hand in my before he could pull it away and place a small kiss in the middle of his palm before wrapping his fingers over it.

Letting go of his hand until it disappears from sight, I feel it on my left cheek as my face is tipped up so then Edward could look me in the eyes.

The look of torture and pain is there behind the mask, so I raise my hand and place it in his cheek. "Edward," I whisper. "Please."

"Are you sure?" He asks me, pausing.

My eyebrow springs up on its own volition as I stare at him with a questioning look upon my face. "If you don't kiss me within the next two fucking seconds, I will fire your fucking arse."

One minute he is talking about the pros and cons of kissing one another and how it could affect our working relationship and the next, my face was pressed up against his and my lips were on his.

I don't know how it happened but all I know was that I had gotten tired of Edward acting like a girl guide and I wanted to desperately fuck his mouth with the closet object that I had, which turns out to be funnily enough, my tongue.

He freezes for all of a millisecond, or a tiny little blip on the radar, before Edward finally starts to react.

Moving my head slightly and dragging my tongue against his bottom lip, I nip at it with my teeth before groaning into his mouth when his tongue does exactly what I had just done to him.

"Fuck." he mumbles into my mouth as my fingers go for a walk along his jaw before sliding into his hair.

_OhmifuckingGod,_ I can't help but sigh inside of my head. _It's so fucking soft that I want a blanket made out of this and then draped across my naked breasts as Edward's head starts to disappear between my thighs._

Groaning at the mental image of Edward Cullen's glorious mane spread out over my breasts and his head between my thighs; Niagara Falls has been officially deposited into my panties.

The hand that isn't in my hair, slides over my body gently before stopping to touch a hip, stroke my waist, then slides down to my thigh before weaving patterns across the goose pimpled flesh, and then comes back up to rest under the heavy curve of my left breast.

I feel his fingers spread out slightly under the globe and brush back and forth a few times before easing away slowly.

The urge to let go of his shoulder and put his hand over my breast is so fierce and powerful, that I yank on his hair and whimper into Edward's mouth about him touching my breast.

Except his lips smile against mine as he moves his hand slowly back down until it lies against my waist.

I moan as agony and pain race through my body, leaving my nipples ultra tender, Niagara Falls still weeping and the two harlots, crying at the loss of his hand.

Reaching for the hand that now lay against my waist, I move it back until it rests against my breast and gave his hand a squeeze so he will know that I wanted his hand to be there.

Edward breaks the kiss for a few minutes and moves his lips along my jaw line, releasing tuffs of air that makes me moan in anticipation before moving my hair away from my ear with his nose.

"Is this okay?" he asks me, indicating as he gently squeezes my breast before moving to the nipple.

I moan in affirmation while allowing my head to fall back on its volition and grind my body down against his.

Nibbling on my earlobe while making noises in the back of his throat, my head flops forward like it doesn't have a bone and I nuzzle the side of Edward's neck with my lips before moving down to where his collarbone was.

The sudden urge to mark him as my own and make every other female jealous, causes me to nibble along his collarbone until I get to a tender bit of skin and suck on it until I hear a groan rumble up from Edward's throat.

My lips open with a pop and separate from his skin as a purplish black bruise starts to appear in front of my eyes. Smiling to myself as Edward breathes harshly in and out, I trail a finger over the slightly indented skin of where my teeth have bitten him and look at him.

It was like the light had been turned on in a dark room and instead of seeing my employee sitting on his couch, with his shirt unbuttoned, belt buckle and fly undone; I see Edward for the first time.

Clearly.

My Mum's voice had been floating around in the back of my head, yelling out, 'That's my girl!'.

_Do you remember the time you asked me how I knew Charlie was the one? Well Mr. Hottie is the one for you._

_If it feels as if you have been hit by a dump truck and you're laying there on the ground; staring up at the face of the man who will rescue you and with a snap of the fingertips, you realise he will be the one you who you not only to be loved by but you will grew to love. And my dear, Edward Cullen is the one. _

Ignoring my phone that's singing '_Kissin In The USA._' I continue to stare at Edward until he shifts under me uncomfortably.

"Bella?" Edward shifts to sit up and drops the hand that had still been on my boob. "Are you okay?"

I nod my head because the only thing that would be coming out of my mouth is _forbidden fruit. _

The person calling finally gets the inclination that I don't want to talk to them so it goes quiet.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say, wiping my nose with the back of my hand and smile at him.

He smiles at me before cupping my cheek in his hand. "Are you sure?" he whispers, making me fall head first into the pool that wants to drown me.

"Edward," I sigh but get interrupted by the vibrating against my leg. "I hope that isn't your vibrator."

_Way to ruin the moment with your snarkiness, you bitch! We were enjoying what was going on there and now you have ruined the chance of it ever happening again. If our vag's die from severe loss of sausage and sperm, you are going to pay!_ The Bad Cop girls yell at me before turning their back and strutting away.

I climb off his lap and he answers his phone with an impatient, "_What?_"

Patting my leg to MacBeth who stares up at me sleepily, the scream that comes flowing of out the hidden speakers, causes MacBeth to go bolting for cover in another room, Edward jerk his hand away and glare at the offending object and me sigh outloud and roll my eyes.

Finally when the screams die down to nothing, I hold out my hand and wiggle my fingers at him with a look that tells him to give it to me or she will never shut up.

He reluctantly hands over the phone and settles back against the couch as I put it to my ear and say, "Alice. _I am alive_. I am _fine_. You _don't_ need to call." before hanging up on her.

Handing it back to him while rolling my eyes, I flop back against the couch and let out a sigh that causes my belly to drop. "Fucking Alice." is all I say and Edward grunts in agreement.

"So what's up between you and the Demon?" He asks ten minutes later while leaning forward at the waist to stack the papers before slipping them into his satchel.

"The demon wants me to come to dinner on Friday so then she can potentially marry me off to the Flitt's son." I reply boredly.

"She does realise we are living in the twenty-first century and women can choose who they want to marry, right?" Edward pauses and glances back over his shoulder at me.

"She likes to pretend that she was married at this age, even though she had Alice out of wedlock. To which both of us think is a hoot."

Edward grins at me for a second before this serious look comes across his face. "If you had a date, would you think about going?"

"So then I can watch her go down in a blazing ball of flame and be bored out of my brains at the same time? No thanks." I advise him, cleaning underneath a nail before looking up at him.

"Hang on, _what did you just say_?"

"If you had a date, would you think about going to the Demon's social skills of the night?" he asks me, nervously.

"Possibly. Why, do you want to be my date for the night?" my stomach drops at the thought of him saying 'no' to my face as I nibble nervously on the corner of my lip.

It was like asking a guy to the Year 12 formal and for that split second, the world comes to a grinding holt and everything turns to slow-mo.

Edward shrugs his broad shoulders and braces his elbows on his knees. Staring at me from over his shoulder, I slid onto the floor and crawl into the space between his knees and stare up at him.

"Bella, only if you want me too."

"Edward," I pause to link our hands together. "I would be honoured if you agreed to be my date for the Demon's social skills of the night."

The pure look of happiness shone so brightly from his face that I sit back. Grinning so widely that I swear I was flashed his back teeth, Edward gently picks me up from the ground and places a little kiss on the corner of my lip.

Nuzzling his way until he reached my ear, he gives my earlobe a little nip before whispering, "It's a date."

And just like that, I have a date, prince charming, shining knight in whatever for my Mother's hellish dinner party.

Realising what that entitles, I pull back slightly from Edward and stare at him in horror.

Losing the smile automatically as the concern crept across his face, Edward grasps hold a shoulder and shakes me gently. "_What?_ What is it?"

And I ask him a non laughable or joking question."You've got life insurance, _right?_"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Bella's fainting session will be discussed in the next chapter and its going to be different!**

**Good night and Good Luck with writing your own stories. **


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